What a relief

Friday, January 29, 2010

Wow, we were worried for a bit there, but good news prevails: Mark’s Showplace, Bedford’s only sort-of nudie bar, has only changed hands, not closed. It will now be known as The Gold Club Restaurant and Gentlemen’s Club – apparently to distinguish it from The Silver Club and The Bronze Club – and will be operated as part of a chain based in the intellectual capital of the U.S., Myrtle Beach, S.C.

In case you’re curious, here are Answer.com’s definitions of “gentleman”: A man of gentle or noble birth or superior social position.

A well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior.

A man of independent means who does not need to have a wage-paying job.

A man.

Yes, that all seems to fit. Let’s take them one by one: Certainly a man of “gentle or noble birth or superior social position” could find his way to this sort-of nudie bar (the ladies wear G-strings and pasties to limit our salacious responses), although why he would want to is the operative question.

And that same man could be “well-mannered and considerate” with “high standards of proper behavior.” He’d never, for instance, try to paw one of the ladies or make a naughty suggestion. Heaven forbid.

And he might be one who doesn’t need a job. After all, if he NEEDED a job, he wouldn’t have the money to spend at this sort-of nudie bar.

Oh, and yes, he’s a man, although it’s possible women went to Mark’s and will go to The Gold Club, if for no other reason than to find their partner, smack him on the back of the head and gently inquire (it is, after all, a GENTLEman’s club): “Why in the new of God are you blowing our money on this idiocy?”

Yes, Jimmy, why are you blowing your money watching ladies parade around in G-strings and pasties? And we don’t imagine the drinks are cheap, although “cheap” depends upon one’s point of view, and if you don’t need “a wage-paying job,” well, your cheap is probably someone else’s expensive as all get out, eh?

But look, we’re really not trying to disparage this sort-of nudie bar and its denizens. Business is business, after all, and this sort-of nudie bar will pay taxes and that’s all to the good.

Just, please, someone explain to us the attraction of pasties and G-strings? Are they cleverly decorated? Or is the attraction our own imaginations?

Nah. If that were the case, we could just stay home and … imagine.