Local woman participates in walk in memory of friend who committed suicide

Thursday, May 13, 2010

PAQUETTE

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“TEEN DEPRESSION”

Kimberly Paquette will host a screening of the film “More than Sad: Teen Depression,” at 7 p.m. Thursday, May 20, at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation on Elm Street in Milford.

A suggested donation of $5 will be requested to help raise funds for Out of the Darkness Overnight.

The film was produced by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. It features an accompanying film for teachers that helps them recognize suicide warning signs and risk factors and how to refer students for help.

BEDFORD – Eleven years after a close friend committed suicide, Kimberly Paquette will walk 18 miles through the night in the hope that by doing so, she can stop others from dying by their own hands.

“It’s called the Out of the Darkness Walk,” Paquette said, “because quite literally, you’re walking overnight, walking out of the darkness of the night into the sunrise to bring attention to depression and suicide.”

She believes it might have been depression that led her friend Benjamen Bugden to kill himself, although she can’t be sure. She’d only known him for about three years and had only a vague idea of what his life was like before they met while both were in the Army at Fort Lewis, Wash.

“We were together my entire enlistment,” she said of the friend who died 11 years ago. “He was so funny.”

She and Bugden were in military intelligence, a small, close-knit unit.

“There was one group of us, very close in age and in rank, so it was a natural group to socialize with,” she said.

They went out to dinner often, and most of the talk over the table was about their futures.

“Most of us didn’t plan on making the military our career,” said Paquette, who joined the service as a way to pay for college. “It was a stopping point for all of us, really.

“We talked about getting married at some point … not to each other. About having families and what we would do when we got out of the military. That was a frequent topic of conversation.”

Bugden really wanted to have a family, she said.

“He did not have the best family life growing up in Utah, and he was estranged from his family at that time,” Paquette said. “That’s all he wanted – to be a dad, to have a family.”

One Sunday, that dream ended.

“It was his birthday,” Paquette said, “and he had asked a lot of people to spend the day with him. None of us was really aware that it was his birthday, and everybody was busy.”

For instance, she was away for the weekend with the man who is now her husband, Israel, and with whom she is raising two daughters, Haelie, 9, and Abby, 8, in Bedford.

She said Bugden specifically asked one of their friends to go to the shooting range with him, but that friend also was busy.

“So, he ended up going to the shooting range alone,” Paquette said, “and he fired a shot to his head.”

She didn’t find out until Monday morning when someone came to her door and realized right away that she didn’t know what had happened.

“I was in complete shock, disbelief, I couldn’t believe it,” Paquette said.

There was a memorial service at which Paquette gave the eulogy, and then a sergeant from their unit accompanied the body back to Bugden’s family home.

That was more than a decade ago, and Paquette has never forgotten her friend. But the issue of suicide came up closer to home four years after Bugden took his own life.

“I’d had both my daughters at that point, and a friend from high school lost her brother to suicide,” said Paquette, who grew up in Nashua and attended Bishop Guertin High School, and whose maiden name is Sweeney. “I went to his wake and I grieved in a new way – being a parent and watching this boy’s parents go through the loss of a child.

“Looking at my babies … oh, my God, I just couldn’t imagine. I lost a friend, which was horrible, but for a parent? I just couldn’t imagine it.”

Her high school friend’s family began to work with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention in Portsmouth, getting involved in annual walks. Paquette did those short walks 1.5-2 miles, she said – twice, and then received an e-mail about the overnight walk June 26-27 in Boston.

“I thought, I can do that, and I think it would be very meaningful,” Paquette said.

The walk goes for 18 miles, but according to www.theovernight.org, walkers don’t have to cover that distance. They may do as much as they can, and there will be vehicles patrolling the route to pick up anyone who needs a ride.

Paquette intends to cover the distance.

She believes that Bugden would be pleased by her efforts, proud to know his friend is still thinking of him.

“He mattered and he meant a great deal to a lot of people,” Paquette said. “I don’t know for sure if that’s something he doubted at the time of his death, but it’s all I can do to makes sure that, if he’s looking down, he knows that we really do care about him and we’re going to do all we can to make sure other friends and family members don’t go through this.”

For more information or to support Paquette’s efforts – each walker needs to raise at least $1,000 in donations – call 1-888-843-6837 or visit www.theovernight.org.