It’s almost Apple Fest time

Friday, September 30, 2011

“Hey, you like apples?”

Matt Damon in “Good Will Hunting”

Well, sure, who doesn’t like apples? OK, perhaps the character in “Good Will Hunting” to whom Damon was speaking, because the rest of the quote was:

“I got her number. How do ya like them apples?” He was referring to Minnie Driver.

But other than that guy, there probably isn’t anyone in the entire universe who doesn’t like apples.

So, it’s good news that the annual Hollis Apple Festival and Town Band Concert approaches: It’s to be held Sunday, Oct. 2, from 2-4 p.m. on the Hollis Town Common, and if you go, you’ll have more than an apple: You’ll have a good time.

Indeed, if you win the raffle, you’ll get to conduct the band as it plays “Stars and Stripes Forever” and that might be the only time you ever get to conduct a band playing anything, so how can you resist?

Perhaps there will be someone there who can answer the universal question:

“Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away?”

And if it does, why are there so many doctors?

And who started the thing about bringing an apple for the teacher? Is it a universal truth that all teachers like apples? Was there ever a smart-aleck kid who brought the teacher a grape?

The point is, of course, that apples aren’t only for eating: They are intellectual concepts, or even puzzles. For instance, other than “Good Will Hunting,” can you think of a movie in which an apple played an important part? How about 1966’s “The Bible: In the Beginning,” narrated by John Huston who really does sound like God, wouldn’t you say?

And didn’t one of Dickens’ characters throw an apple at someone’s top hat? Or was that a snowball? Well, no one around here holds a snowball festival, so we can just say it was an apple and let Dickens’ apologists rail about it.

Anyway, the Apple Festival nears, and you should have it on your calendar. It’s fun and it involves food. Yes, apples are food. Good food. If we ate more apples and fewer Happy Meals, we’d not be so obese.

So go, eat apples, enjoy yourselves, and as you leave, wave to Matt Damon (who, of course, won’t really be there) and say:

“Yes, we like apples.”