They came from outer space?

Friday, February 17, 2012

Oh, where is Ed Wood now that we really need him?

We have a wonderful mystery at the Merrimack Library just made for the man who gave us “Plan 9 From Outer Space,” starring the wondrous Vampira.

Here’s the plot line:

On a misty morning (it has to be misty; it’s an Ed Wood flick) in February, librarians come to work to find seven boxes of science fiction books left by an anonymous donor. From whence came they? What does it mean? Does the fact that they are science fiction books mean anything?

Enter Simone Simon (Yes! We’ve inserted Val Lewton now, referencing “Cat People”) who will, should it prove that the books were left by Claude Rains (“The Invisible Man,” the movie, not the Ralph Ellison book) turn ferally protective.

Simone and Vampira play librarians, of course, and Richard Carlson (from “Creature from the Black Lagoon”) will play the hero who investigates the book mystery.

Kenneth Tobey and Faith Domergue (“It Came From Beneath the Sea”) will drop by to help investigate, in case the gift came from beneath the sea, but the absence of beneath-the-sea water will convince them they aren’t needed.

Perhaps, then, the librarians or Richard Carlson will call Barbara Rush and Richard Carlson (“It Came from Outer Space”) in case the books, sci-fi after all, came from … wait. Richard Carlson’s already there.

This is getting confusing. Somebody call James Arness (“Them”) because it’s conceivable that giant mutant ants could have carried the books there.

Hey, anonymous donor: See the trouble you’ve caused? We’re all confused now, what with Richard Carlson showing up twice. Oh, no! Somebody call Leonard Nimoy (“Invasion of the Body Snatchers” 1978) and Kevin McCarthy (“Invasion of the Body Snatchers” 1956, cameo in ’78) because, obviously, the body snatchers made a duplicate of Richard Carlson.

Oh, never mind, we’re just having fun and what’s more fun than seven boxes of science fiction books? Naturally, the librarians are thanking this anonymous donor, but we’d like to add our thanks, too, for donating the books and for letting us remember some of our favorite films.