SI swimsuit edition just doesn’t click
I have a few newspapers and sports websites saved on my Kindle, and one of the latter is Sports Illustrated. But given what the site has been featuring for the last few weeks, I’m figuring it’s time to dump it because I have no idea what young women in swimsuits have to do with sports.
So, here is a single-day look at the site via headlines and descriptions of the photos that accompany them:
First thing on the site: The logo “Swimsuit” with a pic of a woman in a smallish swimsuit indicating that she might pull down her top, and next to her is the name Barbara Palvin. What does she play? Maybe for the UConn women’s team?
Right below, another logo – “Swimsuit 2017” – and below that, the headline “Go Inside the SI Swimsuit 2017 collection” and the caption “Some of your favorites – Chrissy Teigen, Nina Agdal, third time cover girl Kate Upton – are back … blah, blah, blah.” Women’s World Cup squad?
And below that something called “Swim Daily” and the headline “Watch SI Swimsuit models like never before with our new 360 videos.” Probably at softball practice.
And below that:
FINALLY. A sports story. “College hoops power rankings: Can Gonzaga stay perfect?” I don’t care, but at least it’s about sports.
Friends, I am no prude, and I could give you many anecdotes to prove it, and provide you with names if you’d like, but this SI site swimsuit stuff is to gag for. It makes me want to capitalize “pandering,” as in …
And maybe add some exclamation points. Because who “reads” this stupidity, and for whom are these pictures provided? 12-year-olds? Not for adults, surely. Please.
But let’s continue: We go down the site through about a dozen sports stories and then, BAM!
“Swimsuit 2017” with the logo “Special Collector’s Covers.” What’s special? The covers? The collectors?
Then a picture of a blonde, a picture that surely will disappoint regular swimsuit site viewers because we can only see the tops of her breasts and her hand is in the way, too. The headline: “Third time’s a charm: A look back at Kate Upton’s journey to three SI Swimsuit covers.” Third time’s a charm? What? The first two stunk? And I guess the blonde is Kate Upton. Mixed martial arts?
And below that: “Nina Agdal poses in nothing but pom poms.” Well, at least that’s clear: cheer squad.
And below that, “Genie Bouchard poses for Swimsuit issue.” Poses? Really? These photos aren’t just natural? What’s Genie’s sport? Posing? She’s a poser?
And below that: “Scenes from Serena William’s Swimsuit shoot.” OK, Serena Williams is the greatest tennis player who ever took the court, so at least we’ve got sport here, but why, why, WHY is she involved in this schlock?
And below that: “Buy your tickets to VIBES by SI Swimsuit in Houston.” Well, no, and especially because … Houston? I’ve been there, and hope never to go back. Maybe VIBES is a new sport. And maybe VIBES and Houston deserve one another.
Then we have “Extra Mustard & SI Swim” below which is a picture of a blonde and the headline “Friday’s P.M. Hot Clicks: Prestin Obradovich.” Any relation to Jim who played tight end for the Giants and other teams who don’t count as much as the Giants?
Wait, there’s more:
Below that: Friday’s “A.M. Hot Clicks: Lais Ribeiro.” Oh, I forgot: that comes below a picture of a brunette. Oh, I forgot: With Prestin (I assume that blonde is Prestin; I sure as heck am not clicking on the story) and with whom I assume is Lais, we get a breast peek. But JUST A PEEK.
And below that: “Hanna Jeter wears a chain bikini bottom.” Below that: “Juror confuses Hernandez murder trial with Deflategate.” Wait. No peek at breasts?
Ah, no worries: A bit farther down, “LATEST VIDEO: Kate Upton picks her favorite SI Swimsuit cover.” Out of three; must’ve been REALLY tough.
More? Maybe, I don’t know, I got sick of it. Pandering, pandering, pandering. And we’re outraged (rightly, by the way) because “Saturday Night Live” went too far goofing on Kellyanne Conway.
Remember the old days when feminists burned their bras (rightly, by the way)? Well, how about burning up the phone lines or emails to the nitwits at Sports Illustrated and explaining to them the meaning of …
Mike Cleveland is former editor of The Cabinet.