Here we are in mid-November and fortunate to have an early Christmas present: From the “State-by-State” column in USA Today, we have two choices for lunkhead of the year. Or the month. Or whatever you choose.

You can vote any way you choose, but only vote more than once if you grew up in either Cook County, Illinois, or Hudson County, New Jersey, where such things are tolerated because, really, they’re expected.

1. KANSAS, Wichita – A man must repay the cost of his court-appointed lawyer after buying a luxury car as his case was pending.

2. KENTUCKY, Lousiville – A man pretending to be a cop was arrested after pulling over a real officer.

Friends, I have nothing against someone obtaining a court appointed attorney, but I would prefer, as I’m sure you would, that this person actually NEED free legal help. That is why the system of legal aid was developed. If you can pay for your own attorney, you pay for your own attorney. If you can’t, “one will be appointed for you,” as police are required to say, especially on “Law and Order.”

I’m not ENTIRELY opposed to someone trying to scam the system, but I prefer my scammers to HAVE A BRAIN. Arnold Rothstein fixing the 1919 World Series? Henry Hill setting up a Boston College point shaving scam? All took thought and work and today, we admire Arnold Rothstein and Henry Hill. Or people very much like them who serve in Washington.

But this Kansas potato? Wait until the case is over, at least. Jeez. Noodnik.

As for Mr. Fake Cop, well … did he have a fake cop car, too? Did he wear a fake uniform? Have a badge? Siren? Red lights?

OK, he could probably get away with his civilian car, but he would ABSOLUTELY need a flashing red light in order to get someone to pull over.

So, let’s say he pulls someone over. Then what? Does he have a fake ticket book? Well, fine: He writes someone a fake ticket. Then what?

“You can pay this ticket by sending cash to 99 Schnook Lane, Our Fair City.”

“Cash? Can’t I send a check?”

“Sorry, sir. Cash only.”

“I never heard of that, but OK. But, uh, this address? It’s not town hall.”

“No, sir, it’s a special address for ticket cash collecting.”

Otherwise, I don’t see the point.

Unless: Was he doing it to meet women? Was that it? Did he only pull over cars driven by women? And did the cop he pulled over happen to be a woman? Oy. That’s really embarassing, I would think.

It’s ninnies like these two that make me wonder about our ability to reason. Did lawyer scam guy not parse it all out and try to figure out the worst-case scenario? That’s important in running a scam, the old WHAT HAPPENS IF question you have to ask.

And fake cop guy? He never thought it possible that he might pull over a REAL cop? There’s that WHAT IF thingy again.

What you can say for these two, though, is it makes reading USA Today’s 50-state thing interesting. You never know what you’re gonna find.