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2020 Dems at a glance

OK Democrats, listen up:

You want Joe Biden as your presidential candidate? That’s cool. He’s a safe bet, although stealing part of a speech from Neil Kinnock, a rather minor member of the British Parliament many years ago, is nutty when you could have stolen from Winston Churchill, for crying out loud.

Anyway, that was a long time ago and it might have been, sort of, an accident because the quote Biden used from Kinnock in 1987 in Iowa he had used before but had always attributed it. The time he didn’t, the press pounced and pounded on Biden and, whoopsie daisie, bye bye Joe.

But Biden’s back and is ahead of the Democratic field at the moment and, guess who has endorsed him:

Neil Kinnock. Who doesn’t even get a vote at the Democratic convention which is too bad for Biden because one vote could be important.

Here’s what Kinnock told The Guardian newspaper:

“From this distance, but as a citizen of the world with grandchildren and deep concerns about our planet and many of those ruling it, I’ll support anyone who can beat Trump.”

He said Biden had proven ability, experience, a sense of mature judgment on major issues and he liked him for “his normality.”

Yes, Biden does appear to be normal, which would be a change.

Fine and dandy, but what if you don’t want Biden to front the Democratic Party in 2020? Well, then friends, you’d better make sure whoever you support gets enough delegate votes on the first convention ballot because if she or he doesn’t (drum roll): Here come the Super Delegates, and then it’s Biden for sure.

You remember Super Delegates. They are Democrats like elected officials and other party dignitaries – Hillary and Bill could be among them, don’t you know – who, up until last year, had a strong say in who got the Democratic nomination, because they were usually fairly united on who had the best chance to win and that’s what politics is all about, to hell with who has the best ideas (thus probably dooming Elizabeth Warren who really does have good ideas but is she in front? Is she leading in the horse race? And who wants to talk about ideas anyway?)

See, Super Delegates are not bound by the results of their states’ primaries; they can vote for whomever they choose. In 2016, they overwhelmingly chose Hillary – a choice I applauded but I’m an idiot – and that got the Sanders people all upset (well, more upset because they all seemed to be always upset about something, except sexual harassment in their campaign) and helped lead to this change:

At the 2020 convention, Super Delegates cannot vote on the first ballot. Thus if, say, Amy Klobuchar gets 50 percent plus one of the delegate votes, she’s the nominee and the Super Delegates wasted their time in coming to the convention except to get free stuff provided by lobbyists for no reason except they like to make Super Delegates happy and surely have no intention of trying to corrupt them.

But if Klobuchar – or Kamala Harris or Corey Booker or Elizabeth Warren – doesn’t make it over the top on the first ballot, then Super Delegates get to play, too, on the second and all subsequent ballots until somebody gets that 50 percent plus one.

Super Delegates are hoping and, maybe, praying – but not to the real God, the one that supports separating children from their parents and arming people who want to shoot down people they decide are criminals because they saw them doing “something” like maybe being black and driving a Maserati which they undoubtedly stole, so bang bang – that no one gets it on the first ballot so they can get into the game and maybe get even more free stuff from lobbyists.

And, friends, being high-faluting members of the Democratic Party, for whom do you think they’re going to vote? It’s called The Safe Option and there ain’t no one safer in this field of Democrats than Joe Biden.

No one’s gonna call him a socialist.

And, more important to a large swath of the electorate, no one’s gonna call him a woman, or, worse, a socialist woman.

So, there you have it, you supporters of the No Joe Movement which is not official yet, but it’s coming.

You want Sanders? First ballot or, poof!

All of which, for some reason, reminds me of this from Bob Dylan’s “I Shall Be Free No. 10”:

“Now, I’m liberal, but to a degree. I want ev’rybody to be free.

But if you think that I’ll let Barry Goldwater move in next door and marry my daughter

You must think I’m crazy! I wouldn’t let him do it for all the farms in Cuba.”

Poor Barry. He was married anyway, way back then.

* Uh oh, here’s scary news from The New York Post:

* One of my favorite Miles Davis cuts is “Bye, Bye Blackbird” and now I think I’m supposed to think that it’s got a racist title because, after all, Long Island University-Brooklyn killed its mascot, The Blackbird because it’s racist, the university decided and if the mascot is racist because it’s some kid dressed up like a black bird wearing an LIU Brooklyn jersey, then what is “Bye, Bye Blackbird” if not racist.

Actually, I’m not sure why but my favorite columnist, Phil Mushnick of The New York Post, is worried about The Beatles’ “Blackbird” so I figure I should be worried about Miles’ “Blackbird.”

Musnick is also worried about Notre Dame’s athletic nickname, The Fighting Irish, but I’m Irish and I say it’s OK, and he’s worried about Notre Dame’s mascot, a leprechaun which, he fears, could be seen as “a visual slur of little people …” That I don’t know about but given the tenor of the times, he’s probably right to worry.

And the other day my wife bought some Black Beauty grass seed and now I’m afraid to use it.

* And, finally, I like this idea:

Headline: “Utah politician mulls allowing ax-tossing venues to sell beer.”

As the New York Daily News asked, “What could possibly go wrong?”

But let’s assume this never gets enacted into law. What to do? What to do? What to …

Ah! Simple.

Just let bars host ax-throwing events.

All’s well that ends well.

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