Who’s up for a trip to Baltimore? I just paid my Southwest Visa credit card for March and it appears that I have enough airline miles for 166 one-way trips to Baltimore Washington International from Manchester-Boston Regional Airport. Or 83 round-trip seats. OK, I’m not proud of that.

I amassed these points due largely to moving expenses this past winter. It might be fun, though, to take the one-hour puddle jump to Charm City with 80+ friends to catch the Red Sox three-game weekend series against the Orioles at Camden Yards. Leave Thursday the 28th, return Sunday May first. I am so tempted to do this.

I also have 165,000 Hilton Honor points available for the 55 days we lived in a hotel awaiting our home to be finished. If you want in on my comped hotel space, we might have to cram 83 people in two rooms and hope housekeeping doesn’t notice the 83 wet bath towels in the hallway each morning.

Sorry, you’re on your own for game tickets and barbecue brisket sammies from Boog’s Barbecue outside the ball yard along the right field line. I’m not asking much in return for this nearly-free rollicking weekend in Baltimore, though I do expect an ice cold Snake Dog IPA from Flying Dog Brewery when I snap my fingers during the game.

Another rule (check fine print): If there are 40 of us in my hotel room, I call dibs on the first morning shower to be assured of enough hot water. We will form a line into the Hilton bathroom and each guest (except me) gets exactly one minute to jump in, scrub up and get out. Kind of like it was if you grew up in a large family with one bathroom. Are we good so far?

I can already hear the whining. “Why can’t you take us to a fun destination like Las Vegas? Who wants to go to Baltimore?”

The answer is that I don’t want to be responsible for the predictable drunken behavior in which some of you are likely to engage. Let’s stick with “Whatever happens in Baltimore, stays in Baltimore,” and see how that goes before I cart you off to sin city.

Before turning your nose up at a free weekend in Baltimore, let me play tour director as I have been on Red Sox weekend trips there and did some exploring. You may want to visit the National Museum of Dentistry. I can also recommend Dr. Gloom’s Crypt of Curiosity on Leadenhall Street. For the bookworms in our crowd, we can visit the grave of Edgar Allen Poe. After all, Baltimore’s NFL team is the Ravens.

Or we can hold off until I accumulate enough Southwest points to fly us all to Chicago, where a top attraction is the Leather Archives and Museum for you fetish fanciers.

Upon reflection, Vegas might be a safer alternative than Chicago. I’ll let you know when I move again and pile up some more miles.

Contact Mike Morin at mike morinmedia@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @MikeMorinMedia.